You Matter Before Anyone Notices
- Third Eye High Staff Writer
- Jun 5
- 5 min read
Why approval feels good, but self-worth is what keeps you standing when the room goes quiet.
The phone lights up.
You look. Nothing important.
But for a split second, before you know what the notification actually says, something happens.
A tiny burst of anticipation.
A flicker of hope.
A feeling that maybe somebody reached out.
Maybe somebody noticed.
Maybe somebody cared.
And if we're being honest, sometimes that feeling has very little to do with the notification itself.
Sometimes it's about what we hope the notification means. That we matter.
A few weeks ago, I caught myself doing something that felt embarrassingly familiar.
I had posted something related to Third Eye High. Not because I thought it would go viral.
Not because I expected huge numbers. Just because I genuinely liked it. I thought it represented what I wanted this podcast to be. Then I checked it. A few minutes later, I checked it again. Then again. Then again.
At some point I realized I wasn't looking for information anymore. I was looking for confirmation. And that realization sat with me longer than I expected. Because if I already liked what I created, why was I waiting for somebody else to tell me I should? That question stayed with me. Not because I think validation is bad. But because I think most of us underestimate how much of our emotional well-being gets tied to it.
Validation vs Self Worth - The World Keeps Score
One thing I've noticed over the last few years is that everything feels measurable now. Validation vs Self Worth is an actual thing, and it's everywhere.
Not just work.
Not just success.
Everything.
Followers.
Likes.
Comments.
Views.
Shares.
Downloads.
Subscribers.
Ratings.
Traffic.
Engagement.
Analytics.
Everywhere we look, there seems to be a number attached to our efforts. And the strange thing isn't that the numbers exist. The strange thing is how quickly we start attaching meaning to them.
A post does well and we feel successful.
A post struggles and we question ourselves.
A project gets attention and we feel validated.
A project gets ignored and we wonder if it was worth doing at all.
The numbers themselves aren't the problem. The story we tell ourselves about the numbers is.
Because eventually the scoreboard stops measuring It starts measuring identity.
And that's where things get dangerous.
“Validation is rented. Self-worth is owned.”
Building Third Eye High has forced me to confront this more than I expected. Because here's the truth:
I want people to listen.
I want the podcast to grow.
I want people to connect with these conversations.
I want somebody to hear an episode and think:
"Man... I needed that."
I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting that. The problem starts when connection becomes approval. And approval becomes identity. That's a line that's surprisingly easy to cross. Especially today. The positive feedback feels incredible. When somebody tells you an episode resonated with them, that's a good feeling. When somebody shares your work, that's a good feeling.
When somebody takes time out of their day to tell you they appreciated something you created, that's a really good feeling. But criticism works differently. One negative comment can stick around for days.
One misunderstanding can create hours of overthinking. Suddenly you're asking questions you never planned on asking.
Should I sound different?
Should I be funnier?
Should I be deeper?
Should I make shorter episodes?
Longer episodes?
Should I change my style?
My approach?
My voice?
And eventually you realize something. You can slowly start editing yourself into a version that receives more approval. Without even noticing you're doing it. I think a lot of us are dealing with that now.
Not just creators. People in general. Trying to stay authentic while also wanting acceptance.
Trying to be ourselves while also wanting to belong. That's the tension.
And honestly, I don't think most of us realize how often we're navigating it.
This Didn't Start With Social Media
Social media amplified the problem. It didn't create it. Most of us learned to seek validation long before we ever had a smartphone. When we're kids, approval feels like safety.
A smile from a parent.
A compliment from a teacher.
Recognition from a coach.
Acceptance from friends.
Those moments shape us. And when those moments are missing, that shapes us too.
Over time, we start learning which versions of ourselves receive attention. Which versions receive praise. Which versions receive love. So we adapt. Sometimes consciously. Sometimes unconsciously.
We become easier. Funnier. Smarter. Stronger. Quieter.
Whatever version gets the nod. The problem is nobody tells us when it's time to stop performing.
So we grow up. Still reading the room. Still scanning faces. Still wondering if we did enough.
Still wondering if we are enough. The technology changed. The wiring stayed the same.
Becoming Your Own Witness
The older I get, the more I think self-worth has very little to do with confidence.
At least not the kind confidence people usually talk about. Self-worth isn't pretending you don't care what people think. It isn't acting like criticism doesn't affect you. It's something quieter than that.
Something steadier.
I think self-worth is becoming your own witness. It's learning how to acknowledge your effort before somebody else does. It's recognizing growth before anyone applauds it.
It's respecting yourself when the room is silent. That's harder than it sounds.
Especially in a culture built around visibility.
Be seen.
Be noticed.
Be discovered.
Be validated.
Very few people teach us how to sit quietly with ourselves and still feel valuable.
Very few people teach us how to look inward instead of outward. Maybe that's why silence feels uncomfortable. Because silence removes the mirrors. And without mirrors, we're forced to answer a question many of us spend years avoiding.
Who am I when nobody's watching?
“The room going quiet doesn't mean you stopped mattering.”
Maybe the goal isn't to stop wanting validation. I don't think that's realistic.
We're human. Connection matters. Encouragement matters. Being seen matters.
The goal is making sure those things aren't the only reason we believe in ourselves.
Because eventually life gets quiet.
Projects fail.
Posts flop.
Ideas go unnoticed.
People misunderstand us.
The applause fades.
And when that happens, we find out what was holding everything together.
Validation can light the match. But it can't be the fire. The fire has to come from somewhere deeper.
Somewhere beyond numbers.
Beyond comments.
Beyond approval.
Beyond attention.
Maybe self-worth is simply knowing your value before the world confirms it.
Knowing your voice matters before anyone listens. Knowing your effort counts before anyone notices.
And maybe that's something I'm still learning while building this podcast. Trying to create something meaningful without letting numbers decide whether it has meaning. Trying to appreciate encouragement without depending on it. Trying to stay authentic while navigating a world that constantly asks us to perform.
Because if there's one thing this journey keeps teaching me, it's this: Meaning doesn't come from validation. Validation comes from meaning. And if nobody has told you lately...
You're allowed to matter before being noticed. Seriously. Don't wait for the applause to start believing it.
Stay Curious. Stay Lifted. Stay Third Eye High.
Listen to Episode 5 Now -
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